exercise

[Called my 90-year-old great aunt, The Aunda, this morning, like most mornings.]

The Aunda: Bella! You calla me early.

YT: Yeah, a little bit.

The Aunda: Yesterday you call early, too. Why so early?

YT: I’ve been trying to go to the gym before work.

The Aunda: Jeem?

YT: You know, exercise.

The Aunda: Oh, no! What you want to exercise for?

YT: You know. So I don’t get too fat.

The Aunda: Oh no, you don’t want to exercise. It’s no good. You know Marastell! Marastell, she exercise every day! And she DIED.

YT: Aunt Con. Marastell was 95!

The Aunda: And she died, because she exercise. Too much exercise no good.

[There you have it, folks.]

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7 Responses to exercise

  1. JES says:

    <3 Aunt Con.

    (I love the way people still in tune with the Old Ways have such operatic, Gothic proverbs. "Early to bed, early to rise" and so on — all those types of homilies: so pallid in contrast!)

    • JES says:

      And this one in particular reminds me of something… Ambrose Bierce, maybe? Something like, “The reason you see so many elderly people who drink so heavily, smoke so much, go out dancing every night [etc.], is because it’s killed every one else who’s tried it.”

      (Which is probably Froog’s cue to jump in and tell me it was Samuel Johnson.)

  2. Wendy says:

    She’s right. Exercise no good.

  3. cindypon says:

    haha! aww aunt aunda! she is the raddest!
    and good for you for heading to the gym early in the
    mornings. yow!

  4. Froog says:

    No, I think it was Mencken, JES.

    I assume the Aunda has not yet passed 95 but is intent on doing so and trying to convince herself that her ignorance of the ‘Jeem’ will prove to be an advantage in this. It would be unkind to point out that the evidence linking failure to exercise with eventual death is much stronger. Well, about equal, in fact.

    The idea of living to be 95 scares the bejesus out of me (yes – almost more than the thought of dying). If there were conclusive proof that exercise could make you live to such advanced ages, I suspect it would become much less popular. 60 years of solid debauch is all I’ve ever aspired to. (Although, of course, when you hit the last quarter of that span, you start a panicky reappraisal.)

  5. This is fantastic!!!

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