I never thought of it that way, and am now very sorry I asked

I stayed with my great aunt last night. The usual face-stuffing ensued, and then I slept under a lopsided pile of hand-crocheted lap blankets in her old bedroom (since my uncle passed away, she’s been sleeping in her own guest room).

This morning, she insisted on making me a fried pepper omelet. I mean, how hard are you going to fight something like that? So I sat down to watch her without too much protest. She cracked three eggs–two for me, one for her–into a shallow dish, then took up a fork and sever the yolks from the whites, flinging the albumin into the sink.

“Aunt Con!” I yelled. “What are you doing?!”

“You no eat that,” she told me sharply.

“What? Why?”

Her eyes widened. She was shocked I didn’t already know. “You eat that? You no troll away?”

“Of course I don’t throw it away.”

“Oh,” she said disparagingly. “I no eat. It look like, you know, men’s stuff.”

This is my same aunt who has been using a yellow tupperware mixing bowl since 1958. It long since busted itself, and has been repaired on both sides with duct tape along multiple fissures. She could buy a new mixing bowl for $3–or, indeed, just use any of the several mixing bowls my mother has tried to give her to replace this broken one. But no. She will NOT throw the original away.

She will, however, throw away perfectly good egg white for, well, the reason mentioned above.

Moreover, upon conference with my mother, I believe this … disinclination to eat the entire egg must be relatively new. I think she thinks more, and more raunchily, about sex as she gets older–or maybe she just talks about it more.

Anyway. I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned from this. I’m not sure what it is.

Sorry if I spoiled your breakfast.

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6 Responses to I never thought of it that way, and am now very sorry I asked

  1. Karissa says:

    Giggle giggle….

    and kind of gross.

    However, you should point out to her that man’s stuff is unlikely to turn into solid deliciousness when cooked. Although… has anyone actually tried it to see?

    Ew. Now *I’m* sorry I even thought of that.

  2. Kristan says:

    LOL this is hilarious and disgusting at the same time. I’m going to have to work really hard to forget that about eggs…

  3. JES says:

    You spoiled just that part of my breakfast I sprayed on the keyboard. (Karissa, however, may have killed my appetite for the next several weeks.)

    You could probably convince her to get rid of the cracked/duct-taped bowl if you could just come up with something equally grotesque to compare it too. Like, “Ewww, Aunt Con — are you still using that old bowl? The crack and the tape, they always make me think of [enter second half of really foul analogy here]! You did notice that yourself, didn’t you?”

  4. Roberta says:

    Oh, great. First Dementia Dad tells me all about chicken sex and now THIS! I’m just gonna have to go juvenile on y’all, close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears and chant, “BlahBlahBlahBlahBlah”.

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