6:09am

I’m starting to get tired.

I woke up at 2am today, at first in a “wow, I have cottonmouth, better get some water” kind of way. But then it became increasingly obvious it was actually an “oh, I’m up, aren’t I?” kind of way.

This is fine except 2am is cold–the super turns the heat down at night–and one can’t turn on lights or make noise without infuriating one’s roommates. I finished reading a book for work under the light of my couch lamp, then blasted through almost all the proposals I have loaded on my Kindle. I tried to nap for half an hour and failed. I got up again at 5, showered, and started answering emails–I figured some agrarian types consider 5am to be real daylight.

Everything is fine now, but I’m a little worried about the rest of the day, when I start to get tired at 3pm and still have to finish work and then go to a Mystery Writers of America function.

So actually, this same thing–uh, insomnia? Is that what it is?–happened to me about a month ago. Not being great at self-analysis, I can’t put my finger on why. I understand sleeplessness if you are excited about something, stressed, anxious, or sad; those all make sense. But I’m not really feeling any of those things, that I can tell.

So now that it’s happened twice, I wonder if this is a sign that I’m getting old? Don’t they say old people sleep less? It’s an obvious sign of premature age. Kind of like the creaky right knee. Why does my knee creak? I’m 27. I’m healthy, of a moderate body weight, and in the practice of regular non-strenuous exercise. Or what about the bad back? It totally hurts all the time lately, even when I’m just sitting around, like I’ve just been shoveling heavy snow for hours. Most worrying of all, of course, is the early onset Alzheimer’s, which I can’t seem to shake the conviction I have. I can’t understand why I used to have this awesome memory and now I struggle with basic details, faces, names, dates. I’ll read a book, love it, and one day later not be able to summarize the plot. WHY.

Based on this highly scientific anecdotal data, I have now conclusively proved that Old Age sets in at 27. Those in the audience who have also attained this advanced age, please tell me whether you concur, or this is just a crazy phase.

Maybe I’m anxious about getting old, and it’s actually the anxiety that’s making me sleepless, and the sleeplessness that’s making me feel old, etc, chicken/eggchicken/egg.

Ok, herein ends my ramble. And to think, some authors do their best writing at this hour. Maybe if this early rising becomes a habit that can be a new way for me to fill my time.

I think I’ll go make a pot of coffee.

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11 Responses to 6:09am

  1. Hmm sounds like something must be bothering you. I battle sleeplessness sometimes too. The worst part, other than the cold, is the loneliness. It feels like you’re the only person in the world that didn’t get invited to some awesome party in Dreamland. I envision it like a cross between a Dr. Suess illustration and Care-a-lot.

  2. Jane Steen says:

    Your memory’s bad because you’re not getting enough sleep. I was a braindead zombie for the first five years of my oldest daughter’s life because she woke several times a night. When the miracle happened and she started sleeping, so did I and my brain came back.

  3. Briony says:

    The same thing is happening to me. I am constantly making in the middle of the night, my memory has become a sieve, and my back twinges constantly.

    Basically, I’ve turned into my mother, which means soon I’ll be telling long stories that go nowhere, judging people on the train at the top of my voice and god knows what else.

    Sigh. If you find a cure let me know!

  4. jalluisi says:

    It totally could be some subconscious stress or bother. Or – another idea – how old is your mattress? A new mattress changed my LIFE last year. Back pain and restless sleep went away. I’m like a whole new person.

  5. Leeann says:

    DO: Invest in an inversion table for your back pain. You’ll see the world in an entirely new way. Pun intended.
    DON’T: Read STILL ALICE if you’re afraid you’re getting early-onset Alzheimer’s.
    DO: Make sure you’re not low in iron and that you’re taking a good multivitamin. CoQ10 enzyme is great for sharpening all the dullest pencils in your mind.
    DON’T: Believe at 27 this is due to your age. The old stuff doesn’t start until you turn 34. $*&%!
    DO: Take time release melatonin 30 min before bed.
    DON’T: Listen to any advice except your mother’s.

  6. JES says:

    Hmm. Have I replied to this already? *scrolls backwards* No. Whew.

    It’s been a while, to put it mildly, but yes: I have been that age. Whether you are in a state of incipient outright collapse or “just” suffering some sort of psychosomatic malaise, the only answer is that almost certainly, you will always want to be that earlier age — any earlier age — again.

    How’s the writing going? Yeah, I hate that question, too. But in answering it, often I find the clue to life’s other disturbances.

  7. cindy says:

    i am older than you by at least a decade
    and i need to SLEEP MORE! =)
    also, i think you may be genetically mutated
    like me so therefore especially creaky and stretchy.

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