/and why I’m sinking under my workload and can’t figure out a way back up to the surface after months of trying–the root of all three is the same.
The first half of “quality control” is what we all say we’re after, and the second half is what people like me live and die for. The first half is both subjective and dependent on the scrutiny and commentary of others; the second half is exactly as perfectly attainable as any other platonic ideal (i.e. not).
I don’t know why this is a revelation. I should have figured it out a long time ago. I mean, I’m sure I have at some point, then forgot it, then figured it out again, then forgot it again, etc. It must be how I survive. I just realized, though, it’s probably going to kill me.
When I have too much to do, I make more checklists. This helps me feel like I can control, at least, WHAT in my life is out of control. And while I am pretty sure I am never going to stop making checklists–I enjoy it too damn much–I do have a feeling that I’ve entered a stage in my life where checklists are no longer the answer to 100% of Life’s Questions, and that maybe that is why I have been struggling with balancing my time, emotions, and relationships over the last six months or so.
Nevertheless, I will spend the rest of today trying to grind out the last of a weekend checklist. Some of the items on it:
-mop my kitchen floor
-find some way to shelve the books that have been accumulating on the floor by my living room window
-do the pre-overnight step of this recipe for a special Turkish pudding I’ve been meaning to try to make for 4 years now, and have finally bought the ingredients
-finish reading a crime novel for my blog read-along
-make this new recipe for dinner, since I have mozzarella, tomatoes, and quickly wilting spinach in my fridge
-spend an hour out in public somewhere–maybe sitting at the pastry shop working on a prompt for writing group. I haven’t written any fiction since August 2011, and it is making me sad and antsy
Maybe no work-work today, though.